short list of people in tv commercials i want to strangle



I have always had an adverse reaction to the 'commercial family,' cheery mom (clearly taking the kids ritalin) who despite 4 children appears to be in her early 20's and a size 2, stocky, burly (aka fat) husband shocked by the high tech duster his wife has, 3 children who if examined closely seem to be of different racial backgrounds but whose sole purpose is to get either freakishly excited about the 'product,' or are sullen and angst only to be foiled by the housewife mother and strong paper towels.

ah, and the tween daughter appears to be✩ older than her bouncy blonde mother, who in turn is freakishly attached to her blue collar fat men.



regardless of this specific, insane analytical breakdown of how this family prototype reflects nothing resembling reality despite the fact that they are all, say for instance, pummeling a neighbor over whose hotdog is plumper.



the people who irk me the most is not these mock degenerate families ( oh my god that is just like us, i watch because i identify), but the precipice of irk, the zenith of vexation is the the faux rock commercial, and the girl really excited about an inane object or product.



for example the time warner "i got cable" pseudo hip rocking jingle, which has such hubris that it seems to truly believe that i think that a real band did this or that douche-bags jingling will drive my ambition to animatedly talk on the phone in an apt. that clearly is 10,000$ a month.

digital phone will not do this for you.

cable will not either.



the next advertising induced homicidal impulse strikes like a cobra.

biting at the ankles of the dannon yogurt ladies. more insipid and misogynistic then any skin magazine, this duo of assholes, find that anything is merely a distraction from their yogurt.

their yogurt that they bring everywhere, like to weddings (open bar and 4 course meal abandoned and it's dazzling presence only a back drop for the yogurt.

a product which stayed cold in their bra or down their pants.

"better than never wearing a bridesmaid dress again good,"

not better than drowning you in your beloved yogurt.

compounded by my irrational anger directed at two commercial actresses who struck the holy tav advertising trinity.

i reoccurring role in a commercial.

making bank for being less appealing than a nude teddy ruxpin doll.



on to arm-pits, i watch network tv rarely, yet this image permeates every commercial break and like a parasite has imbued itself to all stations, local, network etc.

the most annoying person ever is freakishly excited about her deodorant.

so pumped in fact that she accosts strangers with hi-fives, salutes and any number of pit exposing actions.

i have seen out patients from psych wards behave like this,

when they goes off the meds.



any number of people in mentos commercials.



people who rinse out a sheet of paper towel for reuse.



assholes