While trying to figure out why the incompetence of every cab driver I have (ever) seems to directly correlate to how drunk I am while in transit. I decided to do some mathematical exploration to see if perhaps there was an unknown equation, one I was not familiar with, and an algorithm perhaps that held the explanation for this phenomenon.

Or even better an unfinished one which I could solve earning my place in the scientific record ( or at least bestowing on me the wisdom to choose a cab that could circumnavigate the five Boroughs after being giving specific turn by turn directions by me, which I always do).

Never being particularly mathematically minded in the past I realized that I saw potential life changing equations all around me in my life that just needed to be explored. My life whisked into an egghead's omelet could solve the world's (or at very least some of my own) problems. Now hell bent on helping not just my self save a couple of dollars, some agitation and the possibility of vomiting in a taxi but contributing to society in a profound way I set to work.

If you use more than one variable, go back and substitute known relationships for the additional variables. When it comes to solving the equation, you want to solve for just one variable. You can often rewrite all the variables in terms of just one.

For example: If you let (A) represent the number of Sarah’s whiskeys and (B) represent a given cabby’s brains cells, but you know that Sarah has had four more whiskeys than cabbie has brain cells, then (A) can be replaced with (B)+4.

A = B + 4

In conclusion no matter how deep into the Jameson I am, my cab driver is a douche bag and I am a fucking genius! For being able to read signs.

Like:
- 44 Astoria blvd west LOOKS DIFFERENT THAN 41 GRAND CENTRAL PARKWAY East!
- This also the difference between 15$ and 28$.

Obviously I shouldn't have to pay for his gross negligence, literary, algebraic or the general inability to listen to directions while talking on the damn phone.

Unfortunately Achmed doesn't quite see this and I,
(A)+high heels= slip and fall squared.
After being called, what sounds something like a humpless camel (please Achmed it's a push up lets not exaggerate)? Tip is refused (B+4) >B=B-T.

All in all we have learned that:

(A+W)<(S-$)= FUCK I was never any good at math!